I exited the pub. Drunk. Penniless. I shouldn’t have gambled when drunk and I knew it. But I just couldn’t resist. So it was over. There was nothing I could do but to kill myself. I went towards the river. Stumbling I noticed a glitter in front of my feet. A penny. I smiled and picked it up. I’ll need it to pay Charon for the ride. It took me some time to reach the bridge but I finally got there. I climbed the fence. There was no reason to stager so I leaped.
It's English time
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
Below is a letter published in a British personal advice column.
I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Manchester, England. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children.
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
This, not so shy, creature is most common in the Eastern Balkan but its bio-diversity is much larger so it could be found everywhere from the Antarctica to the New Zealand. As it tends to form a pack, much like wolfs, it is pretty hard to find isolated individual in the wild. Even though it makes a lot of noise and can look quite scary it is actually not so hard to domesticate it.
A Soldier's Lie
Once a soldier asked his commanding officer for a day's leave to attend his sister's wedding.
The officer asked him to wait outside the door for a few minutes while he considered the request.
The officer then called the soldier back in and said, "You are a liar. I've just phoned your sister and she told me she's already married.""Well, sir, you're an even bigger liar," the soldier replied, "because I don't even have a sister.“
It was a Christmas night. Majority of people was at their homes, with families. Singing carols and just being happy. Molly wasn’t one of them. At this point she was crawling trough the vent system of the nearby bank. She was executing a six months plan. Plan that will make one of her dreams a reality.
Molly was an ordinary girl, slightly smarter than the average, but not enough to get a scholarship in some fancy university. So she had to work two jobs just to finance her education. And she always wanted to have a car. Not any in particular or some expensive model. Just a car. That would make her life much easier. But there was no way she would be able to get it any time soon. Not with her salary. And this was a flawless plan.